I got a new computer last week. (btw check out Apple's leasing program...) and this led to cleaning out old apps, notes, pics, and videos of cats.

I came across this Evernote from over a year ago.  The notes were from a lecture by an Anglican priest named Todd Hunter. I was at a gathering about residency in Chicago. This lecture followed up with some good butt-kicking by a personal coach which led to some big admissions and decisions.  

It was challenging, affirming, and soul soothing.  If you do anything around coaching, traveling, living on the road, selling, consulting, higher-ed, trying to impress others, etc etc then you know that so much of your life can easily be disordered desires as described below.

The grammar is incomplete...but you'll get the idea....

How do we find safety and security in this culture? vs. How do we ground in God?

"I am always safe in the Kingdom of God” Don’t ever make yourself secure on other people’s back. If I have to have a bad conversation…I just remember I’m always safe in the Kingdom of God.

The Lord is my Shepherd…Fill me with Love, help me be present in this group of people, give me the gift of teaching, this is not rhetoric.  You then can secure me for your good. But if i’m trying to root myself in your  thing. 

"A failure of nerve”  Freedman, a jewish rabbi spoke of a “A non anxious presence.” Healthy leadership has capacity to obtain clarity about their own vision and they have capacity to separate themselves from emotional processes (sabotage).   How do i react to emotional processes, how do i expose and be vulnerable. 

So we can’t let an egalitarian vibe se us aside. We need leaders.  How do we put ourselves on the line?

Ignatius spoke of “indifference” is a key way to deal with leadership malpractice. we have an attraction to created things (health, agreement, people liking us) it pulls us towards us instead of God.  

We can secure ourselves to our sword (Peter) but this is a disordered desire. But if we are going to lead well in this era from an inside out holiness then we have to deal with disordered desire..  

The only thing we can desire is God. EVERYTHING else is indifference. This is kinda like Jesus preference “let this cup pass…” even Jesus had a preference…these things must become an indifference.  I want to know Gods will and do it.

We must have an ongoing relationship with the spirit of God. I do not need approval of people to be safe and secure.